I don’t want to apologize
I refuse to apologize
I won’t apologize
The name you gave me
The name you believed in
Please don’t worry
I do love it
Sorta
But it isn’t me
It is dead
He is dead
But his name will live forever
Within me
My past I will not forget
I will not forsake
If I said I was sorry
It would be a lie
I know your love
I feel it
But you must know
Must learn
Be it the hard way
Or not
That he is dead
But I am alive
I will continue to be
All he has done
I have done
I have become
All he knew
All he thought
I know
I have thought
I promise I won’t let him die
But he is already dead
I will not apologize for what I am
You will have to accept it
But do not fret
Because while I live
He never dies
He became me
He was always me
We are one
We are the same
But I will not apologize
And I will not feel bad
Because I know I am right
The day he died
I came alive
But right now
He is half alive
And I am half dead
But this death
This death
It is death
Like any other
It is very real
But it is also unlike any other
It is not the same
It is still real
But not real
Not death
Not birth
Not life
Not anywhere in between
A rebirth I suppose
But not like others
Not like those who are “reborn”
By some god
This rebirth answers that which was always know
Reveals the truth that was hidden
He was never alive
I was always here
He was a creation
For which I will not apologize
Because to apologize
Would admit I feel bad
And I don’t feel bad
I won’t feel bad
Regardless of tomorrow
Or yesterday
Or any time
I will still always be me
I will be your child
Of whom I hope you are proud
My destiny is not written in stone
Nor on sand
But my past
My legacy
All I am
All I have done
Will not be forgotten
I refuse to let it die
Only those who hate
And those who fear
Believe it to have died
Believe me to have died
But I am still here
Flesh and blood until the very end
Made of metal
Resilient under pressure
All because
I’m not sorry
I am proud
November 2018
Reflections 